Self-consciousness

Last year, I was going into a new school, which was nerve-racking for me. I think it was mostly strange because I am very weird, so I presume it takes time to get used to. I was worried like all new comers, that no one would like me.

Fortunately, that was untrue. I did make friends, people didn’t run and/or scream or anything. But I, being super self-conscious always questioned what people were saying, and if they were talking about me, and such.

By the end of the year, I was so tied up in the mess that was over questioning myself, that i couldn’t stand still in an awkward situation. I can barely play Basket Ball….the weirdest things. I don’t know if it is as serious as me actually being labeled with having ‘ANXIETY’.

In the summer, I noticed how awful I was treating myself. I was doing this to myself! Why? I could never find a good enough answer.

Near the end of the summer and the beginning of the next school year, I set a goal. I wanted to be less self-conscious and more generally happy, looking on the bright side of things, being optimistic.

Just now I recollected that I wasn’t exactly fulfilling my goal. Generally that was because negative events occurred and I am the kind of person who is easily frustrated, so I was stressed out for that time… Oops!

My goal for the new year I guess is to be generally happy, non-self conscious, and optimistic! (If you are trying this out to, don’t be fooled, it is harder than you’d expect! 🙂

Happy New Year! 🙂

Don’t Forget To Smile!

E.L

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My Force has awakened

Holly crap.

I can’t believe what I just saw! Me and my family just went to see Star Wars #7 The Force Awakens. It was super good. This isn’t a promise but I’ll try not to spoil too much!

So Vader’s dead. But we all knew that.  There is a new big guy. His name is Ben. There is a droid everyone is after, including Ben & the Rebel Alliance. He has a part of a map which leads to Luke who went into exile after Ben, who he had trained turned to the dark side.

However, Ben’s crew has a super dangerous weapon. This crazy thing destroys planets with energy harnessed from the sun. Part of the movie is the Rebel Alliance trying to destroy their fortress so that Ben doesn’t blow up their planet. I was on the edge of my seat. I was also squirming like a maniac in that part.

Then there are also Ray and Finn, but I’m not quite sure how to explain them…. Ray is close with the force (she’s female for your information). But she has no training. Which is pretty cool. Finn used to be a Stormtrooper, but he turned on them, now he is with the alliance. He’s pretty cool, and he’s black so it’s a nice push. They are playing with good pieces.

So If you haven’t watched the first 6 movies, go watch them. I think unfortunately you kinda have to watch all of them. I don’t think the first three, with Anican Skywalker are great, but it adds to the back story of Darth Vader, and it makes more sense once you’ve watched those. But I think the best way to watch them is watch, 4,5 and 6, than go back and watch 1,2 and 3, than go back and watch 4,5 and 6 again? Than watch 7. Than watch fricken 8 and 9!

I’m so excited!

Have a very Happy Holiday everyone! 

Don’t forget to smile! 🙂

E.L

Talent show

People naturally have different talents.

For some people, sports are their thing (maybe only one specific sport), maybe fine Art is someones thing, maybe photography, singing, engineering, health, acting, banking etc.

I’m not gonna list all of them, but you get the point. Have you ever been in a position, where someone is somehow presenting to you their talent, and you are completely envious of them?

You maybe say; ‘I could never draw like that!’ or ‘How do you draw so well?’ or ‘I’m not good at anything’. I think it is unfortunate that seeing someone else doing something right makes us feel wrong. We are completely selfish beings. I think instead of blaming it on them say ‘Wow! You’re really good! Good job. You worked hard and achieved your goals (unlike me)!’ You don’t have to say the ‘unlike me’ part, but it’s true.

I think that seeing someone else doing something, maybe you wanna achieve, should make you wanna achieve it as well. This should make you strive to be just as good as that person, it’s something to work towards.

Its all worth it

My best friend and I had been having some disagreements. Nothing huge. She thought that I’d rather hang out with another friend, and I thought she’d rather hang out with another friend group. In fact, we just wanted to be with each other. We were both, just too scared to admit it. Later, she was having some health problems that caused weeks at the Hospital. This gave me and her an opportunity to show each other how much we cared. I was always there. I visited her as much as I could, I brought her books, I wrote her letters. It was kinda fun writing letters. She wrote back. Than finally she could come back, back to school.

She wasn’t the friend I had remembered. Somehow, through someone, somewhere the teachers found out, and both my teacher and the guidance councillor talked to me about it. They both explained that she was trying to socially fit in, and had to spend enough energy being normal, so she didn’t have any left for anything other than that. I guess I understood. This was only about a week ago.

.                  .                  .

Last night my best friend very kindly gave me a Christmas present. Along with the gift their was a card. I opened the card first and am leaving the gift for later. Her card was so touching. I think this part is my favourite it read; You are more important to me than any other friend. And the way I love you and appreciate you and need you cannot be put into words. Because that would only cover a fraction of it. 

When the heartaches and the sleepless nights of what if’s and the looking back on old pictures wondering if your connection has increased or decreased since that time, that doesn’t matter anymore, because now you know she cares, he cares, they care!

It warms my heart. Healthy relationships are the best.

So…DFTS!

E.L 🙂

 

Beliefs

I know Santa doesn’t exist. And it’s that time of year. I was convinced he did though. When I was little. It wasn’t a belief. It was just something, that I knew, everyone knew.

But now I believe. And it’s funny because some people would say that…you’re wasting your beliefs, and your time. But I like it.

Imagine that a kind old gentlemen came to your house one day a year and delivered to you, something that put a smile on your face.

I know God doesn’t exist. But a lot of people don’t. I’m not saying I’m right and their wrong, or the other way around. I’m just stating a fact. Sometimes I like to think there is someone guiding you  through life, step by step. But I also don’t like that the part about your good is his doing, and the bad is yours fault. I don’t find it uplifting.

But I still believe. Some would say that you must know, not just believe. Some would say thats a waste of your belief. I think it is my decision.

 

Maybe Santa & God aren’t very similar to you. But I believe they are, they are both very well told stories. They both help you believe in something with no proof. Even tho, I mean God in a way is slightly more blown up. But they are both valid religions. I don’t think you have to choose. Why a war on Christmas? Why a war on Religion?

I don’t know much about Religion. I don’t know much about anything, in fact. But I know that being supported feels good. I know that getting a compliment feels good, I know making someone feel good? Feels good.

Honestly, sometimes Christmas can be stressful, or at least rushing to get everything done before you have your last Science test, have to hand in a big project or have to hand in a Secret Santa gift etc. Or maybe money is low and Christmas is the gloomy reminder of it. Or maybe this is just a shitty time of your life.

I heard this  quote once. That is part of a lot of quotes, like ‘It’s gonna be okay’, or ‘Just remember, non of us have any idea what were doing either. No one choses to exist. You just do. You’re gonna be okay’-Halsey

Anyway you wanna interpret those words, that idea, whatever… go ahead. But sometimes when I’m stressed or nervous about something, I think to myself, it’s gonna be okay…Somehow, someday…it’s gonna be okay.

DFTS

E.L

xoxo 🙂

 

Secrets and rumors

You know when you are standing beside someone and they are whispering and pointing. Luckily a lot of people don’t have to go through this weird feeling.

What usually goes through my head when this happens is, is it a good? Are they complementing me? But then my mind wanders a little to the dark side. What if they are talking shit and I don’t even know. I know it seems awful that someone would do this, but surprisingly everyone does it at least once in our lives.

Rumors are strange things as well. Secrets and rumors are the easiest way to screw up someones school life. Fast. Something can spread thats completely untrue but people believe anything.

It’s an easy way to screw with people though. It’s funny that this is such a huge part of middle school, high school and just all of our lives. Why don’t you just smile to everyone! Be happy. Because honestly that is the cure. As fucking cheesy as it sounds…it’s true. Imagine if no one judged anyone! If there were no winged whispers flying around crashing into each other, tearing people down, well there won’t be so many books for tweens called ‘how to survive middle/high school’.

But than again, unfortunately I guess judging… I think? Is one of those things that like historically helped us like get out of weird situations? Is that a thing? I feel like there are a lot of things that are like that.

DFTS

E.L

 

Cloudy with a chance of fairy dust

Dear smileys!

Today was one of those days. When you realize how true little fairy tales are. Like never cry wolf? Today I figured out that you  can’t keep on doing the “just kidding” thing to your friends. One day…they won’t know that you are seriously frustrated. Today me and my friend were getting ready for class, I jokingly bopped her on the head once with my hat. Than I said “thats what you get” just jokingly. After, she grabs the hat, and starts hitting me furiously. At this point, I don’t really care, because I know that when i want her to stop, I can just tell her and she will. Of course, she doesn’t stop. She just keeps on hitting me, and smiling. My heads hurt after. I don’t know if this would be qualified as bullying. But it was mean.

Than later, me, the same girl, and two others had to share a computer. It’s not rocket science. Plus the teacher gave me the computer and told ME to use it. Anyways…We had to look something up, so I tried to do what I was told and look up the god damn word. She just comes in and grabs the computer so that ‘everyone can see’ but it was only pointing in her direction at this point. So now I asked if she wants to look it up, because that’s what it seems. She says no. So I continue to look up the word. But she holds tight to that dear computer and holds it her way so I cannot see what I’m writing.

Just let me doing the f-ing work or do it yourself. I wasn’t very positive today, as you can see, and after school in ArtClub, we had a photography teacher come in, and selfish as I am, I was jealous of the compliments he offered to my friend, and not me. I am usually that friend. But fine art is my specialty. Not photoshop. Not technology. Old style!

But the rain (non-sarcastically) cheered me up! It makes me feel refreshed or something. But more alive, thats for sure.

E.L  🙂

Stress!

Hey guys!

Let’s talk about stress…

It is something I struggle with often. ‘specially because I am momentarily in school. Things like homework, work, maybe even doing stuff you do like can make you stressed. And sometimes you get hangry when your stressed. Which some people find hard to cope with. You can’t completely abolish stress. But you can find ways to help you deal with it.

I like to do something I love, like take a walk. Do this without telling yourself ‘you are stressed’. Because sometimes that makes me even more stressed. What are some things you like to do to alleviate stress?

Don’t forget to smile! 🙂

E.L

What makes you smile?

Hey guys!

Sometimes I have those days when all I do is sit in front of the computer, uploading blog posts….wait a minutes…

But that makes me go insane. Being unproductive is like trying to learn a new language, to me. It makes me aggravated, frustrated, and feel like, okay that was 2 hours of my life i could have been spending breaking a world record, jumping out of an airplane, winning a horse race? Something AMAZING. But maybe that isn’t the goal.

Maybe getting your message out there is better that trying to be noticed by doing something insane, and learning as you go.

What do you guys think?

Don’t forget to smile!  🙂

E.L